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Have you avoided approaching a girl just because she is
talking to another guy?
Or maybe you saw a group of girls with one or two guys with
them and you ASSUMED the guys were cooler than you so you
avoided approaching because you feared embarrassment.
There are two reasons why guys have a fear in talking with
women who were with other guys.
They think that the woman is "with" the guy, and assume he's
her boyfriend.
This isn't a real reason to not talk to a woman, especially
in a bar - it's a social setting where people meet other
people. Plus - she's not his "slave" - she's a human being,
not a piece of property, so she is free to talk to whomever
she chooses.
Approaching oftenly a woman who is "with" a guy can make you
look more confident, and draw out the jealous side of the
guy, making him look insecure and weak.
The second reason why guys don't approach woman who is
"with" a guy points to a deep insecurity based on a simple
misconception.
Guys assumed that the "other guy" is stronger, cooler, or
somehow more powerful than they are. Men tend to be
threatened by other men.
This comes from an ancient survival strategy that had been
fixed into human brain.
The social hierarchy is very subtle, and mostly unconscious,
and it's hard to tell who the more "dominant" person is in
any given interaction. So when a male is confronted by
another male, he doesn't know how dominant the other guy is.
He doesn't know if he will be embarrassed verbally, or as
was probably common thousands of years ago, beaten up.
So it's smart to play it safe by assuming that the other guy
is a threat. Males who were too bold may have won a few
confrontations, but all it took was one loss to end up dead
or exiled from the tribe.
And then their genes were taken out of the "game" so to
speak.
Usually the one that can lived long enough to survive and
reproduce are those guys that played it safe and avoided
confrontation.
The irony is that most of approach anxiety nowadays have the
basis on this hard-wired survival strategy - the false
assumptions of the guys will lead them to unnecessarily
avoid women.
Here is the thing, mostly when you see a girl talking to
another guy in the club or bar, she's not WITH him.
They JUST MET!
I can't tell you how many times I've approached a woman
thinking she was "with" a guy, only to find out he was some
random dude who just approached her. Or he was just a friend
or relative.
I think of all the times I completely avoided talking to a
woman because I saw her with another guy. I regret having
missed so many opportunities. Which brings me to my first
point:
DON'T ASSUME THEY ARE TOGETHER UNTIL YOU SEE PHYSICAL
EVIDENCE. YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT HE MEANS TO THE WOMAN.
Approach a woman so that you will know what they really are.
Just remember to be alert and respectful, because in the off
chance they are together, the guy may be the insecure
jealous type and start a physical confrontation.
So use your brain - just don't be stagnant in making a false
assumptions.
Another thing that I want to talk about is the idea that the
other guy can be more "dominant" than you are.
The concept of the alpha male is completely outdated. In the
caveman days, the alpha male had real power - he had access
to resources like food, and was physically stronger, so he
could beat up competitors.
But ask yourself if those powers are relevant today. Every
man with a source of income can survive on his own - if
you're reading this, you probably have access to food and
shelter. You're all set.
Plus, in this modern world it is irrelevant to use the
physical strength just to beat people up. It's illegal.
Attacking another person will always end you up defeated
because the police always win.
You are LETTING RANDOM GUYS STOP YOU FOR NO REASON! if you
are thinking about it.
Just excuse my French, but who is HE to say who YOU talk
to???
I recall all the girls I missed out on because I was afraid
about some DUDE. And it makes me mad remembering that and
knowing that the other guys are dealing with some crap!
You are going to look back on all the things you did and
didn't do, when the time comes that you're on your deathbed.
How painful it is to say "I haven't approached that girl
because I was scared of another guy," or "I could have
enjoyed being with so many beautiful women if only I have
approached them even if they were TALKING to another guy."
I don't want you to be like that.
So let's analyze it deeply. You truly don't understand
dominance if you are seeing the other guy as more dominant.
You see, if you're concerned with who is more dominant you
instantly make yourself NOT dominant. There's a better
focus.
Dominant men don't think about who is dominant. To be
dominant, you must first THINK like a dominant man. So what
do dominant men think about? Whatever it is they are doing
or want.
So you see another guy talking to a group of girls. Instead
of worrying about whether or not he's more dominant than
you, focus on the girls.
It's proven to be a waste of time if I have to acknowledge
other guys. Out of 10 women, 9 of them doesn't even know the
guy - they just meet him.
Or if they do, maybe ONE of the girls know him, and barely
the rest know him.
It's seldom for women to go out with a guy they are dating -
normally they will bring a guy that is more of a
protector/friend because a guy like that is more valuable
when they go out on the town.
And also, if that guy IS with one of the girls, that means
he's NOT with the other girls - they are fair game.
When you are concerned with who's the alpha male, you are by
definition NOT the alpha male. In fact, it's questionable
whether alpha males truly exist in the modern world.
Have your focus in a USEFUL place and don't assume anything.
And don't let some random guy prevent you from enjoying YOUR
LIFE!
Tags: dating, dating tips for men, neil strauss, pick-up artist, pick-up artist vh1.
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